CHAPTER 7: The Power To Change Educational Self-Help Programme
28Pence, E. (1987) In our best interest: A process for personal and social change(Duluth: Minnesota) www.duluth-model.org Reproduced in: WAVE Network (2006) Bridging Gaps – From good intention to good cooperationVienna: WAVE. Downloadable from http://www.wave-network.org/start.asp?ID=284&b=11
Session 2: Definition of abuse
Discuss how each behaviour in the wheel is linked to power and control. This is very important in acquiring the skills necessary for understanding abusive behaviour, and better prepares women to set boundaries and use assertiven e ss skills. Quite often survivors continue to be surprised and baffled by the perpetrator’s behaviour because they don’t understand the reasons that lie behind it. A good understanding of control and power issues is imperative for understanding and dealing with abusive behaviour.
Women may be talking for the first time about the violence they have
experienced, or certainly for the first time in a group setting, so this session has the potential to be very powerful.
Exercise 2a:
• Using the Definitions of abuse handout (Appendix 21), start a discussion within the group about different types of abusive behaviour.
• Ask the group to name what they think constitutes abusive behaviour and write their answers on a flip chart.
• Then ask the group to discuss the differences between sexual, emotional, physical and financial abuse, and to fill in their hando u t s.
4. Question time
Allow a small amount of time for any questions relating specifically to this session. Again, state that you will be available for a short time after the session finishes for questions.
Exercise 2b:
Ask each participant to think of one word that sums up what she wants to gain from the support group (e.g. hope, courage, or strength). Each woman should keep this as a reinforcing statement for herself, and as something she can repeat as a mantra over the next few weeks if times get tough, or if she finds parts of the programme material emotionally challenging.
Session 2
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CHAPTER 7: The Power To Change Educational Self-Help Programme
5. Closing the session
Discuss the ‘personal touch’ for the week ahead. Thank the women for showing their commitment to the course by coming to the second session, and ask them to complete the evaluation form.
Trouble Shooting
• Women might start comparing the different levels of abuse that they have experienced. It is important for women to share their different experiences, but it must be expressed in a way that is not detrimental to others. For example, one woman may start feeling as if she doesn’t belong in the group because she hasn’t experienced physical abuse like others have. It is important to discuss how different abuse affects women differently; e.g. controlling and nasty behaviour is not visible like a bruise, but it still violates your rights and can scar you emotionally.
• Make sure that everyone’s experiences are validated, and encoura g e women to support and listen to each other. However, avoid letting the women give each other advice on how to handle their situation.
State that the support group will be helping the women to give themselves their own advice, and that, if they need practical help, you are available outside of the group setting for one-to-one support.
• Be open to humour from the group. This is a hard session and many women will feel a real mix of emotions. A little laughter is fun and will make the participants feel happier about coming back for the next session.
• Be prepared for the women to play down the abuse they have experienced, or for them to stand up for the perpetrator and excuse his behaviour. You should listen to all views – but when myths
about domestic abuse are stated, they need to be challenged: find a way to do this gently.
Session 2: Definition of abuse
• Be prepared to deal with anger on the part of women who come to recognise during the session the enormity of the abuse they have suffered or are still experiencing.
• Stress that the safety of the women is at all times paramount. If any woman wants to discuss her personal situation, arrange a one-to-one session to go through her safety plan.
Session 2
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CHAPTER 7: The Power To Change Educational Self-Help Programme
Goals of Session 3:
• Look into the complex reasons why women find it hard to leave abusive relationships.
• Discuss the safety issues relating to leaving an abusive partner.
• Explain the Duluth "Power and Control Wheel" and the Walker
"cycle of violence" models of abuse29.
• Understand and lessen the shame that women feel when in abusive situations.
• Analyse how women’s place in society contributes to the difficulties women face when leaving abusive situations.
1. Beginning the session
Start the session as before by recapping the last session and briefly summing up what will be discussed today. Discuss the ‘personal touch’.
2. Why is it so hard to leave?
Start the session with an exercise to get the women thinking about their own situations, stressing that there are no right or wrong answers.
Exercise 3a:
• Write on the flip chart ‘Why is it hard to leave?’ and suggest one answer yourself to get the ball rolling.
• Ask the women to contribute to the discussion by speaking about their own experience. Some examples might be:
- fear of the consequences;
- fear of legal procedures;
- fear (and often the reality) of being unable to support oneself economically;
- fear of losing “marital status” (e.g. “I don’t want to be a lonely divorced woman”);
- fear of damaging the children by taking them away from their fat h er;
- fear of partner carrying out threats (e.g. committing suicide, kidnapping/harming the children, killing her);
- hope that the perpetrator will change and that the abuse will stop.