Wife, Jewish, Israeli wife

In the absence of any statement by women regarding their feelings as mothers, another myth managed to be preserved for many years – women are pleased with their ability to give birth and enjoy their role. Feminism exposed the dissatisfaction with this role, women's many frustrations and the physical difficulties that occurred during the pregnancy, birth and thereafter while raising the children

The discourse this researcher has encountered in her work proves that the concept of 'mother' and 'wife' have enjoyed consensus in Israeli society till now. The two roles are well imprinted in the female Israeli identity, to the point that there is hardly a woman who does not mention these facts when she is asked to talk about herself. Women are proud of being mothers, satisfied with their achievements and thus represent themselves through being mothers.

The responsibility accompanying the role of motherhood is transferred later when the woman becomes a grandmother, and continues to see herself as closely committed to children and grandchildren and lacking compromise

outside marriage were rejected by society and suffered from a humiliating attitude even to the point of death.⁴⁵

To the role of motherhood was added that of wife, an ancient role with ancient roots but based on the same source – marginality and inferiority relative to men, and on the story of creation, a helpmate (Genesis 2:16) with the reciprocal relations between them based on Genesis 3: 16: "And thy desire shall be to thy husband" (Yalom, 2001/2005).

As of the mid 19^th century the issue of whether women are intended to be mothers and wives only, or whether there is something beyond that began to be debated publicly.

The conflict between 'femininity' and 'motherhood' is prominent in some modern feminist thought that views motherhood as the ultimate patriarchal tool for subjugating women and in forgoing motherhood as a solution to the problem. Many feminists found themselves in an ambivalent position regarding the concept of 'wife' and 'motherhood' since these roles limited female development. Some of the feminist activists were unmarried or had no children, and therefore avoided dealing with the issue in the belief that not experiencing the subject does not afford them the right to talk about it. Most women in capitalist society live in a state of constant contradiction and tension between their two roles – production (work) and reproduction (birth) (Buber-Agasi, 1986).

This generates a constant conflict set as an important question regarding the significant change needed in the status of women.

Because of the roles of mother and wife, women began to represent the national and religious collective identity. The more threatened men feel the more it is interpreted as a threat to the collective. Supervision of the women will be more frequent and tougher (as, for example, in Iran after the fall of the Shah). Damage to women is in fact damage to male honor.

At the same time, women apparently feel ambivalent to the collectivism they symbolize and from which they are, in fact, excluded.

The institution of marriage also underwent vicissitudes in the pioneering period and times of early Zionism. When the collective value was set above all else, en route to constructing a new society, the desires of the individual were not taken into consideration. The establishment of family units on the way to giving birth to children afforded a type of infidelity to the collective and its activities. Families were forced to leave the group

45 The Magdalena monasteries in Ireland or murder ritual to save the family honor in eastern traditional societies and so on.

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after marriage and birth (Elboim-Dror, 1992). On the other hand, new situations were created that determined partnership without marriage and instituted relationships of love and cooperation between the partners (Bernstein, 1987), without any formal ceremony

In both cases, whether 'marriage' that is an ancient social institution or the younger institution of partnership, runs the thread of the myth that a woman needs a man for her physical, economic and emotional existence.

Men also need women but they are not committed to singularity as it affects women, whether because of prohibitions and social norms and whether by law.

The strong traditional foundations of Jewish-Israeli society are manifested in the fact that the new State did not manage to separate religion from State. Hoping to maintain a political structure with a broad consensus, the founders of the State answered the demands of the religious parties that conditioned their support of the new government on accepting religious matrimonial law as State law. Since women were not a political force and were part of a society perceived as obvious (Herzog, 2000), the law existing till today was passed. This situation has weighty implications on the status of women in view of the discrimination existing in religious laws towards them and particularly as regards matrimonial laws that are the heart of social life of Jewish-Israeli women.⁴⁶

The concept of a Jewish–Israeli 'wife' is characterized by:

1. Wife as personal-social fulfillment: Ethnic and religious elements, together with a rooted tradition that connects marriage to children, with the addition of trust in the economic security following marriage, accompany the female agenda till today. The existential fear existing in Israeli society and the reality of soldiers who fell in battle generated the additional fear of the lack of potential partners and increased pressure to marry.⁴⁷

2. National wife: This type of spouse has three facets very closely connected to the institution most central to Israeli society – the army.

a. "Married to the army": The sword of wars, terror and the security situation are the framework that escorts life in Israel.

Partners and wives of soldiers is a familiar and common condition. Life in the shadow of lengthy military service, when the husbands developed a military career, left the wives to cope

46 There are constant attempts to alter the law.

47 Marriage is usually only between Jewish men and women, thus reducing the options in a situation of a shortage of available marriageable men

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with daily life, raising the children and the constant concern for their husbands' welfare. Many participating in this lifestyle had to adapt to frequent housing moves, to not realizing their own careers and to emotional and economic aloneness.

b. 'Sharing with the army': Every wife is the wife of a soldier.

Even those who do not sign up for the professional army but are part of the reserves until an advanced age and must serve one month annually.

c. 'Army widows': A category that was added as a sub-system that accompanies the marriage institution in Israel. Recently, another sub-group developed of 'widow groups', whose boyfriends or fiancés fell during their military service.

Thus, developing a female Jewish–Israeli gender identity entails several foci of conflict:

1. Between personal identity = woman and the collective = Jewish-Israeli identity. As a Jewish–Jewish-Israeli women identifying with nationalism and with the struggle to maintain the collective, created a situation of accepting security-statehood for males and assistance-aid for females .They 'accepted' giving up their feminine identity for being part of the national collective.

2. Between the personal identity = woman, and the collective identity = Jewish. As a Jewish woman, she must accept religious matrimonial law that preserves discrimination against her since she is considered her husband's property. Out of conformism she wishes to be part of the Jewish collective.

3. Between personal identity = woman and personal identity = wife.

4. Between personal identity = woman and personal identity as = mother.

5 . Between persona

6. Between personal identity = woman and the personal identity = man;

7. Between the collective identity = woman and the personal identity = woman.

It is important to remember that greater the discussion of the sub-groups that comprise the collective, the more additional points of conflict, and the points of conflict described above, are likely to intensify.

Jewish-Israeli women internalized their normative, conformist, personal feminine identity that saw the role of wife and mother as defining

femininity. The role of motherhood as a central value characterized traditional societies and Israeli society. The above role takes on extra value in a society in which nationalism inscribed on its flag the value of

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the birth rate that preserves and restricts their role to the traditional, family domain.

The feminine feminist awareness is not particularly developed:

a. Israeli society is one with deep traditional attributes, a society of 'respect', with a high status for males and the patriarchal perspective compared to the secondary status of women (Kamir, 2004a).

b. The strong need for social cohesion in the face of the existential security and national threat resulted in the army and religion becoming important and key foci of power in society, excluding women and pushing them to the fringes.